Steven Rogers

When is Your Child Ready for a Cell Phone; My Personal Dilemma



Posted: Friday, February 11, 2011

by Steven Rogers

Ok, so it has been a while since I have written anything. In my defense, I have been busy. We are about to have a baby boy (due sometime the end of March) and we have moved into a new house. Anyone who has done either of these can attest to my lack of writing time.

We have had an issue with my oldest daughter that has got me on the subject of cell phones again.  How do you know when your child is responsible enough for a cell phone? This conundrum is pretty new. When I was a teenager and girl crazy, I spent hours tethered to the wall talking in hushed tones so that my parents would not hear all of my “woos” of affection with the girlfriend of the week. Thus, my parents have no previous experience life lessons to offer on the subject. I am getting a bit ahead of myself though, so let me start from the beginning…

My daughter has always been a very well behaved child. So, when she asked for a cell phone there was little hesitation. She was 10. We established rules including one that stated we could take the phone whenever we choose and go through her text messages, contacts, and pictures. We did this at random hoping to keep her from doing anything “stupid”. Recently, she was caught sending messages back and forth with a 15 year old boy. She is about to turn 12. She was grounded from her phone for 2 weeks. We told her boys, that much older, thought about relationships much differently then girls her age. We made sure that she knew what we meant when we said that it could be dangerous. As a pre-teen often does, she thought that we were just trying to ruin her life. As soon as she got her phone back, she started texting the boy again. This time he started to talk dirty. This made her very uncomfortable and she tried to hide what had happened. Thankfully, it was just some texting. I have seen too many times these kind of encounters lead to rape because at 15 boys can’t always control themselves and younger girls can not always defend or turn these advances aside.

My first reaction was the Marine Dad reaction. I wanted to go to this young mans house and tell him in my own way to leave my little girl alone. Then I realized that this was not all his fault and that course of action could only lead to trouble. This was primarily my daughter’s fault, for seeking the attention of inappropriate males and then providing the opportunity to get into a situation where she was not comfortable. My next reaction was to give her something to make her think about what she was doing. I did what my parents did often when I got in trouble… I gave her homework. I made her write a letter of apology to her mother and I assigned her a few reports. She was to write about what she knew about sex and then what the bible says about sex. Then I remembered… that never worked when I had to do it so why should it be any different for her. I was upset.

The more I think about it the more I start to understand why I am upset about all of this. More occurs to me all the time.

First I am upset because I know that if she gets all caught up in boys now then she won’t have time to focus on important things like schoolwork or even developing hobbies and things that are fun that will shape the direction of her life. Looking back I see where if I had been more focused then I would have so many more opportunities now. I have never regretted starting a family, but if I had waited I would be farther along in my career. I could have had the chance at pursuing seriously my dreams of becoming a musician or an actor. Those are just dreams now because they don’t pay the bills. I enjoy taking care of my family but I sometimes wish that I had the freedom to go to Nashville or Hollywood and try and make a name for myself. I can live on my music but I can’t feed a wife and 3 kids with what I make plying the guitar on the streets or in clubs for tips. I am upset because I can see where I did the same things she is doing and how it can inhibit the future. Secondly, I am upset because as much as I try and blame her or even the boy, I can’t! We as parents gave her the proverbial rope and she just wasn’t ready for the freedom that it gave. It is our fault.

So the question arrives, “When is your child old enough for a cell phone?” 12?…16?…18? The simple answer is that there is no universal answer. Each child is different. Responsibility is often something that is gained through experience. As parents it is our job to give them the chances to mess up but we must be there to correct them when they stray too far and protect them from the dangers when they get too near. This situation has reminded me of that. My daughter is still a good kid. In fact she is a great kid. She has grown because of what has happened. She is just not yet responsible enough for her own phone.
Steven is a self proclaimed right wing Christian extremist. He is a former Marine and currently work in the laboratory of a cancer research and treatment facility. He is the father of three and is referred to as genius by his wife (mostly as a sarcastic term of endearment!)

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