What Would My "Four" Fathers Say?

Coming from a broken home (and being a terrible pain in the butt as a kid), I had my share of male role models. I was always in trouble when I was young and though I always tried to place the blame on someone else, it was my fault. I was bounced from house to house until I became so out of control the courts had to step in, and I was placed in the “system”. When asked about my father I would sometimes answer, “What father?” I was an angry kid and while I may have had the excuse to be angry, I will never be able to justify some of the horrific things I did and said. So let me take this opportunity to take all responsibility for my past actions and say, to all I hurt along the way, that I am sorry.

When I denied having a father I was hiding. In fact, if you look at my life as a whole you will see I actually had four fathers. Each was incredibly different from the others and each had such an impact on my life, contributing some of themselves to make me into the man I am today.

Father’s Day is fast approaching and this got me thinking about each of the men I call ”Dad” and wondering what would they think of how I have turned out. What would my four fathers say?

The first, and most obvious, is of course my natural father. The man responsible for my birth. He married my mother in the late seventies, but they were divorced by the time I was six. I blamed this on my father. I didn’t see the whole story until I was much older. So I didn’t really get to know him until I was a father myself. Our lives have traveled so near the same course that it is scary. We both fell into the clutches of drugs and alcohol early. We both got married young had children and divorced soon after. We both served in the military. We both have an immense love of music. And we both have found our way back to God and our family. You can see that most of what I got from my Dad was not due to any teaching or special bond we shared, it was a very indirect influence that he had on my life. We have discovered each other again just inside the last 15 years and though I still call him “Dad” When he comes to visit or we speak on the phone we seem more like friends. I think he is proud of the person I am but I also sense some disappointment from him. Not because of who I am, but of who he could have helped me to become. I believe he feels that he failed me growing up. This may be so but, Dad, I am responsible for myself and I won’t let all of your mistakes become mine. I will do better for my kids then you did, and hopefully they will do better then I am with their own. You have given me something no one else could have, an example. You have shown me that no matter what I do there is always hope… hope for a better tomorrow, hope that bridges burnt can be rebuilt, and hope that I, like you, can continue to grow.

Next is my stepfather. We lost him to a chronic illness just over two years ago. He was a proud man. He had an intelligence that could overwhelm you and he had a way of showing you the correct way of doing things that was simply irritating! You always wished you could be right so you could throw it back in his face but he was never wrong when he told you something. It could be enraging at times. We were never closer then after my divorce. Besides his great intelligence was a deep wisdom, and although I had always shunned him, he helped me in a way that no one else could have. We dissolved any role of authority in our relationship and became fast friends. It was not until then that I understood his appeal to my mother. Don’t get me wrong he still pushed me to strive for perfection, only now I was doing it not to try and prove him wrong but to be the best at what I was doing so that we could be on the same level. Although never as smart as he, we were equals because we both had a drive to be the best. That drive is what he gave me. He will not see the fruits of my life but I hope to always strive to make him proud.

That brings me to my Uncle Steve and My Uncle Andy. Uncle Steve is my mother’s older brother and Andy is my father’s youngest. When I talk about my growing up these are the guys I think of the most. Uncle Steve taught me more about how to be a man then I can say. He taught me right from wrong. He showed by his example how to be a good father and husband. I didn’t always do what he taught but it was there and when I finally got my head on straight it was his teaching and example I ran to. Being a Dad is about more than giving your seed. It is about giving your time and your heart. In this way uncle Steve surpassed any other father in the world. Even though I was not his son, I never had a doubt that Steve loved me as much as if I were. That is a kindness I can never repay. “If there be any truer measure of a man than by what he does, it must be by what he gives.”-Robert South- By that standard I can only pray I live up to my uncle Steve.

Uncle Andy took me in when I had no place to go- twice! He said the one thing that meant more to me then any the other three ever did. When I was 16 he told me that the only way I was leaving his house until I was old enough to do so on my own was, ”in a body bag” he showed me unconditional love. He is the one person I know I never have to make proud because no matter what I do or how bad I screw up he is there and will never give up on me. Without knowing it he showed me God’s love for me. Even though he had two kids of his own he never made me feel inferior and he always had time for me. So in his honor I would like to end by saying a few things.

There are a lot of you out there who never had someone like Andy to demonstrate unconditional love. Some of you may have done bad things. I promise no one has done worse than I have. It is easy to feel like no one could love you or that you are unworthy of love. Let me tell you that you are only partially right. You do not no matter who you are deserve unconditional love. As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: Romans 3:10. But there is one who loves you no matter what. So much that he gave his only son to die for you. His son paid the price so that you, a sinner, can be made perfect in his sight. He loves you so much that regardless of what you have done you can know truly unconditional love. All you have to do is ask. Below I am going to give you a web page that outlines four simple steps to become a part of God’s family. Don’t hesitate. Happy Father’s Day!

http://www.coronadosbc.com/4Step.html